Thoughts at my 20th High School Reunion

Earlier this year I attended my 20th high school reunion in the town of Marblehead, Massachusetts. Prior to the event, I was asked by the organizers if I would be willing to give a speech. After a moment of reluctance, I accepted the invitation and decided to take it on as a challenge. Although the crowd was split between several rooms, and many of my former classmates were more focused on talking than listening, here are the thoughts I shared on this auspicious occasion.
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Back in 1987, I wanted to give the speech at our graduation. But in the competition to decide who would be the speaker, I was beaten out by Eric Van Dusen (otherwise known as “Dooz” or “Repo”). Eric won the privilege by submitting the best speech but was told by Augie Miller that he needed to remove the Haile Selassi quotation from the Bob Marley song “War”, which was apparently too inflammatory for the occasion. In a moment of greatness, Dooz agreed to take out the quote and then proceeded to give his original unedited speech. He was followed by a speech from Senator Kerry, who as some may remember was mistakenly introduced by Marcia Sweeney as Senator John Kennedy.

So I guess this is delayed gratification for me. But it’s 20 years later and this is not the same speech that I would have given in 1987. For that, we can all be thankful.

Let’s also remember that this is the 20th anniversary of our senior prom, a highlight of our shared high school experience. To properly remember that night in all of its splendor, we’ve set up breathalyzers for everyone to use and have asked Deb Loomis and some uniformed Marblehead Police Officers to search everyone’s bags for contraband. And for those of us who plan to stay up all night partying after the reunion (or just driving around all night looking for a party, as I did after the prom), we’ll be meeting for breakfast at the Driftwood around 7am. First round of coffee is on me.

Although I lived in Marblehead for less than a decade, this town is my home. I am proud to be a Header and honored to be a part of the powerful living history of this place. Specifically, I am proud to know that my town is the birthplace of the American Navy, no matter what the townies in Beverly believe. I am proud that my elementary school was named after a man who was Vice President of the United States and inspired the term Gerrymander – a word often mispronounced by those not from Marblehead. I am fascinated by the creepy and dark quotes written on the ancient tombstones at Old Burial Hill. And I am eager to introduce outsiders to the delicious Barnacle clam chowder, even though I once learned that that it’s made from canned stock. I still think it’s delicious. Because of these virtues and many others, my grandfather makes visitors promise to never tell others about the wonders of Marblehead. It’s true, he swears them to secrecy, even though he now lives in Swampscott. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been a totally successful strategy for preserving the town’s anonymity.

At a High School reunion, it is tempting to believe that we are seen by others as the person we were back in high school. That we are still defined by our old social status, by our adolescent personalities, or by some antics we pulled in a moment or greatness, or weakness. For some, this is comforting. For others, it’s agonizing. But 20 years is a long time. And the one thing the years should teach us is that change is the one constant throughout life. Changes in circumstances, in our relationships, in our hairstyles, in our careers, in our dreams. Everyone here understands that these changes – along with the successes, sacrifices, disappointments and joys – they have caused us to become different people. None of us is the same as we were back in 1987. Except for Kim Indresano who is -- strangely enough -- exactly the same. But I’m pretty confident everyone else here has changed.

We’re now approaching our…early midlife period. Time is passing, and the pace is accelerating. I know it’s trite to say, but life is short. And I think we only get one time around, although I’m definitely open to other possibilities. So rather than just dwelling on how we’ve changed over the last two decades, I’d like to talk about what comes next. How will we continue to evolve over the next twenty years?

Pretend, for a moment, that each of us is at a crossroads. Tonight. That we all must choose our paths forward without any consideration for the circumstances in our current lives. What passions would you pursue? What skills would you develop? What grand plans would you concoct, even if they might seem foolish? What crazy dreams would you try to realize? What do you want your job, family, community, and world, to look like?

Now consider applying those intentions to your life as it actually exists today. We all have constraints on our ability to adjust our circumstances, and perhaps no significant course correction is appropriate for most of us. But we should all recognize that the future is not predictable, and that the choices we have yet to make will determine the rest of our lives.

Here’s my advice to the class of 1987 at our 20th reunion -- be intentional about your future but don’t be too attached to achieving specific results, because the journey only really makes sense in hindsight. Commit to a process of lifelong growth, always challenge yourself, be unreasonable, take worthwhile risks – especially if they seem scary, and never get too comfortable. Look within your heart for guidance, indulge your intuition, and trust your gut. Embrace creative forms of self-expression even if others may think it’s weird. Assume that it’s a good sign if you discover more questions, and have fewer answers. Keep in mind that there is no destination – we’re all climbing a mountain that has no top. And remember the words of John Lennon who said that “life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.”

That’s my advice, for what it’s worth. I offer these thoughts at our 20th reunion in the hopes that when we come back here for our next reunion, we can all share our aspirations for the next 20 years.

With that, it’s time to get on with the socializing. So let us raise our glasses and toast together -- ”to all of us”.

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